Fox Thoughts – Rayn Epremian
you are the
moon through
the darkish moody after-sundown
clouds that
linger after a sunshower
which some people just call
rain
and other people
often in Japan
refer to as a fox’s
wedding
I believe
their weddings must be
the most beautiful
the most sad
the most endings
because why else would we
simple blessed simple silly hoping sadly wishing simple human so believing brains
not be allowed to
see them?
I believe –
and that is a thought-marriage,
fox marriage
thinking in fox-thoughts
waltzing under dark trees and
darkish clouds but when it rains
the sun is shining,
somehow
and if we just danced and didn’t
waltz the dancing would still be entailed but
the tail would be different
maybe not a fox-tail
the tale would be different
maybe not a fox-tale
one-two three
is the story
the beat the beat the beat of
three hearts but a
three of hearts
never wins the game
you need a pair or a
flush
at least in
your cheeks
and best if the flush
is in your hearts and the hearts aren’t just
in the flush –
fox-hearts beating
fox-thoughts in
the dark…
and behind the darkishness
[oh the -ness of it!]
is the moon and
the moon is
you
I’m a lost-thought
a fox-thought
a lost-fox
I got left behind in
the ceremony
cemetery
dormitory
sleeping place
dreaming place
saving face
craving face
I got left behind I
was looking at the moon
I didn’t howl because
wolves do that but
foxes have fox-thoughts and
say nothing ‘til
it’s too late
sleeping face
dreaming face
saving place
craving place
anywhere maybe even
the moon and if
the moon is you
then absolute-
ly
lying on the ground it’s too hot
to get up this summer is melting, drowned
everything into such great swirling curling snarling darling darking puddles
darkish, anyway
[oh the ness of it]
I think the world is drowning but I don’t speak its language so
I can’t understand what it’s asking for
water? no
too much
water, everywhere
the heat melted and the moon
and the moon is you
it’s dripping in the
slipping place
streaming from the
seeping face
keeping face
saving face
raving grace
roving place
a fox is getting married and it
isn’t me
I’m the lost-fox lost
in my fox-thoughts lost
in the dreaming place
looking for a
face
in the moon and the
moon was you
I got left behind I was looking
for a face
in the
moon and
the moon was you
but there’s no
face
in the moon
and the moon was –
there’s no face in the
raving place
I was craving face but
the only place is the
roving place
and I’m dreaming and the moon
and the moon was you
[there’s no technology for
morphology it’s
the study of dreams]
I got left behind and the marriage
was a belief
and it wasn’t mine
and the moon
and it wasn’t mine
but if we waltz
we would still be dancing
I wanted to waltz with
the moon and the moon
was you one-two
three but it isn’t me
I do the fox-trot
I’m a fox lost
in a fox-thought
I wasn’t waltzing I got
left behind in the ceremony
in the cemetery dormitory dream-space
there was no face
no the moon was only you
and the wedding wasn’t my wedding it was a
belief
and it wasn’t mine
I do the fox-trot
I do the fox-trot
I got lost
looking at the moon
but it isn’t mine
it was only you
I do the fox-trot
not the beat of three
I do the fox-trot
to the beat of just me
one-one-one-one-
in the dream space
I make the time
and it’s
finally mine
and I can finally
close my eyes
in the dreaming place
in the dormitory
in the cemetery
it’s my ceremony
but it’s not my wedding
I was looking at the moon but the
sun was shining
and the rain was falling on a ceremony
but it wasn’t my marriage
it was a belief
and it wasn’t mine
I can close my eyes
I make my own time with a beat
just the beat of me
don’t need to watch my feet
I can close my eyes
I was looking at the moon but
the moon was just you
I was looking at the moon but
I can close my eyes
there’s just one beat and
it’s the beat of
me
Rayn Epremian is a poet, filmmaker, and writer of fantasy novels, science fiction screenplays, and the occasional musical. She currently resides in New York. For more about her projects and adventures, visit www.raynepremian.com.